Hi, [ hands sliding into the warmth of her coat now -- not her Netsach one, the other one he gave her from before. Because the twins insisted on it.
A straying of the gaze to one side, because wow, shit, this kind of really hurts and one hand coming up to tuck her hair behind one ear as she rocks back on her heels. ] They wanted to come. I was outvoted.
[ Deliberate casualness in that shrug -- a little too deliberate it's really rehearsed. And she hates that. They're good every other month in the goddamn year, but January consistently sucks.
And then, the admission: ] They know.
[ About the one we lost. About why we do this every year.
A half-coughed laugh, the next words reaching for humor she doesn't really feel. ] Apparently, nosy runs in the family.
[ She tenses for a bit, because she could very well reach out and touch you but she still doesn't know if she's allowed, even if, she's realizing now, that the only one who needs to give herself permission is possibly... herself. ]
Okay.
[ Quiet, accompanied by her gaze falling down and away; she tilts her head to one side momentarily, in a gesture of submission. ]
[ And because it is so very Cen to offer something like that, she blinks, presses her lips together and just shuts her eyes.
Fingers curled into fists now at her sides, because she is so very sure that her legs want her to run now -- she just isn't sure which direction it'll be.
[And he used to turn from that, pretend that he didn't see it, nurse his own feelings on the matter (the guilt, the bitterness, the shame) and move on like nothing was wrong.
This time, though, is different. She is here: she actually came. And it's been too long for the both of them to really face this.
Stepping closer, and slipping his arms over her arms as he's kissing her on the forehead.]
[ She's shaking when he finally touches her, when he comes so close, and by the time his lips press against her forehead, the tears are already there: quietly slipping down her cheeks as she worries at her lower lip because it's like the first time in near-forever that she can actually breathe.
When the first sob breaks, it's like the night she told him she was going to go and she'd wanted so badly to hide her face in his back and his warmth but she couldn't do that.
Her fingers have slipped into his now, holding fast and hard as if quietly pleading I don't want to go. Please, don't let me go. ]
[And he isn't letting go, not in the slightest. He couldn't imagine even trying, and - briefly - he's hitting himself for thinking, back then, that he should have. That space was a good thing. That they could just swing each other's way naturally.
He plants another kiss on her forehead, and then moves down, kissing one of those tears away, and then another. No words, yet. And hell, he can wait until it looks like he has to take the reins for the both of them.]
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A straying of the gaze to one side, because wow, shit, this kind of really hurts and one hand coming up to tuck her hair behind one ear as she rocks back on her heels. ] They wanted to come. I was outvoted.
[ Deliberate casualness in that shrug -- a little too deliberate it's really rehearsed. And she hates that. They're good every other month in the goddamn year, but January consistently sucks.
And then, the admission: ] They know.
[ About the one we lost. About why we do this every year.
A half-coughed laugh, the next words reaching for humor she doesn't really feel. ] Apparently, nosy runs in the family.
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[It's an offering, really. A way out of having to deal with too many heavy things at once. She can take it or leave it.
This, too, is an offering: the way he moves in closer, offering a tiny smile.]
Let's go inside.
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Okay.
[ Quiet, accompanied by her gaze falling down and away; she tilts her head to one side momentarily, in a gesture of submission. ]
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Moving in a little closer, and tilting his head up to catch her gaze. Then, in an attempt to lighten the mood:]
I can hold your hand, you know. Keep all of the big dogs in there off your back.
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Fingers curled into fists now at her sides, because she is so very sure that her legs want her to run now -- she just isn't sure which direction it'll be.
Why did she even agree to come here? ]
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This time, though, is different. She is here: she actually came. And it's been too long for the both of them to really face this.
Stepping closer, and slipping his arms over her arms as he's kissing her on the forehead.]
Come on.
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When the first sob breaks, it's like the night she told him she was going to go and she'd wanted so badly to hide her face in his back and his warmth but she couldn't do that.
Her fingers have slipped into his now, holding fast and hard as if quietly pleading I don't want to go. Please, don't let me go. ]
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He plants another kiss on her forehead, and then moves down, kissing one of those tears away, and then another. No words, yet. And hell, he can wait until it looks like he has to take the reins for the both of them.]